Another merry Christmas message...

If it's true and the guy responsible for this had really downed a couple of bottles of whiskey then I am very impressed indeed that he managed to figure out how the heck to do this.
This unemployed Santa is a Christmas comedy movie waiting to happen.

Best quote from the festive onlookers:
“Honestly, I am disgusted, I was with my grandchildren. We had just gotten off the bus. I said ‘look everybody’ and pointed up to the lights – but you know what the lights said? They said f**k off. And that is not an appropriate message for a child. At least not at Christmas time.”

The Night Chauffeur is no longer taking orders

Photo by Dean Rogers

Apologies for the very tardy updates on this blog.
I've been slogging my guts out (what a horrid expression) working on a very exciting project for the lovely people at Mother and Stella Artois, or Stella Artois Black to be precise.
Mother are the rather super-duper ad agency responsible for the Stella Artois advertising all around the world and who came up with the idea of The Night Chauffeur with the help of totally amazing, lovely, geniuses Punchdrunk
The whole thing was a massive success with press coverage everywhere from The Evening Standard, The Guardian, Timeout and Dazed.
Sadly The Night Chauffeur is no longer (who knows where he went...) but you can watch this little film if you didn't manage to make it along in person.

Stella Artois Black presents: The Night Chauffeur from Protein® on Vimeo.

Merry christmas (nearly)

Haven't heard them playing this one in the shops during the festive period.

Fun house

This picture is enough to get me donning my skates and hot-footing it to Amsterdam...

After closing more than five years ago to undergo extensive renovations, and suffering several false starts along the way, the STEDELIJK MUSEUM in Amsterdam finally opened its doors once again this week. The building alone makes the museum worthy of a visit, as it dates from the late 1800s and is dressed in an impressive red brick façade, though to the delight of Amsterdamers and tourists alike, at last some (but sadly far from all) of its rooms are now starting to be filled with the museum’s vast collection of contemporary artworks. Among those on display are pieces such as the amazing black and white room by Ms. BARBARA KRUGER.

Don't forget, it's only a 20 minute flight or something. Easy peasy.

Pheromone Party time

For the last few weeks I've been working with the wonderful Charly, landlady of Charly Inc. on one of our many weird, wonderful and ever so slightly random projects for INQ Mobile.

Working alongside megastar French Canadian ad agency Sid Lee we have created the world's first.... PHEROMONE PARTY!!
Yes indeed, it's a party filled to the brim with pheromones.
Given that INQ target the young and the restless this seemed like the perfect way to land in town with a bang.
The first party is on Thursday at a brand new space called The Airshop in Toronto followed by parties in Vancouver and Montreal.
We hired the services of those ever reliant hipsters at Vice to help us with reeling in the fun brigade so fingers crossed it's a party to remember.
Expect lights, lazers, doughnuts, pheromone machines, cool people, great music, confetti cannons and loads more.

I'll post photos of the all the crazy shenanigans post Thursday as well as details of some of the other stuff we have planned in Canada for INQ.

Beer bottles inspire this...

Another snippet of the eclectic selection of talents that came together for the Becks Music inspires art campaign that I worked on.
This is DJ Cheeba who's being hailed as 'the new DJ Yoda' (surely DJ Yoda isn't cool anymore?) performing a very special DJ set using beer taps and bottles to create a very memorable show.
You can watch this with your very own eyes if you check out the Becks Vier Facebook site

This is why I don't like the fashion industry

What a load of morons fashion people can be.
I assume this was all about irony and having a sense of humour but I think this is just grim and tasteless.
On the other hand I'm very surprised that a massive company like Selfridges who I would imagine have stupidly boring rules and regulations about everything even had the guts to show something like this.
In case you can't see from the image above they decided to HANG a piece from their currently Mcqueen collection as some form of eye-catching window display.

Shoe thing

OK so I thought I had a good eye for fashion and at times managed to carve out my own 'look'. After seeing these shoes and a bunch of other very special designs my own personal style is about as exciting as that of David Cameron.
Pah.
For inspiration, laughs, confusion or to merely fill five minutes of your life I suggest you check out this
list of the top twenty weirdest shoes

Music inspires art y'know

Becks Vier from Aoife McArdle on Vimeo.

Melted Zone from Konx-om-Pax on Vimeo.

I worked on the recent Becks Music inspires Art project that you may have heard or seen.
The campaign consists of lots of mini festivals at venues around the country encompassing all things musicy, arty and everything in between.
One of the key elements of the campaign consisted of lots of wonderful musicians pairing up with amazing directors to make short films that they then soundtrack with totally new music. The short films have been exclusively previewed on each leg of the tour.
Shown above are films created by Plaid and the fantabulous Aoife Mcardle and Grant White, the Skittles-inspired rainbow of colour animation is the vision of Tom Scholefield aka Konx-om-Pax and the coolest new Scot on the block Hudson Mohawke. The last one is the handy work of Mercury nominated musos The Invisible and Poppie Skold.
In addition to these there are short films by the one and only Lightspeed Champion (written, directed and soundtracked by him alone!) and those brooding New Cross kids These new puritans directed by Saam Farahmand.

You can find out more about it here
and I'll post a few more picture and the last couple of films at a later date.

Sausage dog, sausage roll obsession

I have become fairly obsessed with getting an itsy, bitsy companion in the form of a miniature dachsund.
If I had a husband, a house/dog-keeper, lived with my parents or something along these lines I would get myself a wee pooch but alas work gets in the way and based on my research it seems to that you can't leave dachsunds alone much or they get really yappy and angry - neither appealing habits in a pup.
But one day soon I shall have one. Definitely.
It seems like I share my canine taste with many great people in history which has spurred me on even more.
The number one favourite without a shadow of a doubt is Picasso and his sausage dog Lump. Lump. What a brilliant name. He also did lots of art inspired by Lump as you can see above.
Also pictured here is JFK with his pride and joy. Also pictured is author of Charlotte's Web E.B White.
Arf arf.

And on that note

I realised how much I like animated gifs - especially ones that look really nice.
That's all I have to say.

Just mucking about

I seem to be very busy at the moment but nothing is quite finished yet so I have nothing to share here that would be of much interest. Just lots of nearly finished projects.
The Becks Music inspires art short films will be done next week so that will throw up some good things for me to share and the next issue of the newspaper i am editor for will be done in the next two or three weeks as well as lots of other fairly exciting things.
Oh and I joined the Labour party today. Cost me a fiver. Bargain!

Fingers in my ears

The show Jack Guinness and I have done for INQ Mobile is now doing the rounds on Spotify.
You can listen to Radio INQ if you follow the link here:
http://open.spotify.com/user/radioinq/playlist/3Bf865VI96yBkhxMIitmPA

If you don't have a Spotify account and would like to listen to our show plus all the music your ears could desire get in touch and I can arrange for the nice people at Spotify to send you an invite. Woo.

Just saw one Facebook review of our show: 'worst DJs ever' (not the first time I've heard this said about my 'skills')
So on that note.. tune in yeah :-)

p.s the picture above is of Jack and moi chatting to Tinie Tempah. My nose looks unusually large and Child-Catcher-esque. Ah well.

Please, somebody stop them

I'm no Jeremy Paxman when it comes to politics but one thing I do know is I don't want this nutjob running the country I live in.
Just look at his stupid massive moonface and his skinny dribbly lips - you know what they say about people with thing lips too... mean types never to be trusted. Pah.
I can so imagine him staring into the bathroom mirror every morning punching the air shouting "YES DAVID. YOU ARE THE BEST. YOU ARE A WINNER. WIN. WIN. WIN"
At the end of the day all political parties are a lot of lying, scheming, money hungry hounds but for me Labour are the least evil of three predominant evils. Depressing but true. Those good old Liberals have shown that they're not quite so hip and down with the real people of Britain haven't they?
And in actual fact, for right or for wrong I really quite like Gordon. When he's left to his own verbal devices he actual seems to be the most genuine and sincere, by far the most intelligent and the one that seems to be in it for others rather than for his own ego.
Oh and all this Gordon bashing from The Sun, Sky News, Simon Cowell, The Times etc ... does Rupert Murdoch really not realise it's ridiculously obvious he's behind it all?

Anyway, rant over.
On that note I just bought one of his books on Amazon.

Oh and these brilliant images are the handiwork of the lovely Verity Keefe. She shares many of my views but articulates them far better than I would through the use of pretty pictures.

Cutting some rug

When I grow up and have my own house my living room shall look something like this...

A message from above?

On my travels to Edinburgh this weekend I spotted this seductive invitation. No, not the lady in the knee high socks but the opportunity to have my personality tested. Oooh.
This is so so so beyond not tempting.
I am already well aware of my flaws when it comes to being me, social interaction and personality traits in general.
Is it fun or rather is it healthy to pay money to a stranger (at 11.30pm on a Friday night) in exchange for them tell you you're a miserable old cow? Hmmmmmmmm...
Why this isn't on those 'things to do in Edinburgh for under a tenner' lists I'll never know.

Yep we definitely can

Please check out our new blog - created by tortured genius John Mcdonnell it's the result of lots of hatred, annoyance, doodles, mocking, some joy and some cuteness. I'm sure there's some other other stuff in between these descriptions but don't let me spoil that surprise.
I have written a few angst written pieces and expect plenty more where that came from. I will also be posting cute, mildly amusing pictures, agony aunting and who knows what else.
There also also lots of other reasonably talented people (sniff) involved so try not to avoid.
Remember: Can we fix it? YEP WE CAN. innit.

http://yepwecan.co.uk/

Woofy Woofy WowWow

A dog with a sense of style is worth more than joyous tears can say. Or something.

Smashie and Nicey

Me and my pal (or is that my pal and i? not quite sure) Jack (pictured above) are hosting a rather amazing, wonderful, brilliant, awesome radio show! Erm ok... that may be a slight exaggeration but basically the lovely people at INQ Mobile are hosting a series of branded shows on Spotify and it's up to us to make sure it's not snooze-enducing.
Starting in a couple of weeks it will essentially be us rambling on about random stuff, trying to be funny, trying to act natural, trying to play music people might like. Basically doing a whole lot of trying.
Oh and also we'll be interviewing a veritable cheese platter of popstars at a new show being recorded at Koko (sponsored by INQ) next weekend so we will hopefully have some hilarious faux pax-esque quotes from the middle aged one in Westlife (yep they are on the lineup) to share on our show. But wait - which one's the middle aged one in Westlife?
Answers on a postcard.
Oh and for more info on INQ go to inqmobile.com

Help! My lolly!

I think this photo deserves some kind of award on so many levels. Too many for my popcorn sized brain to fathom.
Nice yellow coat there too.

Dance of the doggy

I know I work in advertising but I really wish I worked on this bit of advertising.
I'm moving to Japan and this mandog will be my pet.

Oh Alice

I went to the Sanderson hotel last week for a most delightful Alice in Wonderland inspired afternoon tea treat.
There were multi-coloured sandwiches that made your head spin, lollipops that went hot and cold then made your hair go pink, ice cream filled mad hatter clock cakes that made your tummy go tic-toc, tic-toc and plenty more that I won't harp on about.
Anyway if you have the time and you like brightly coloured edible things then I highly recommend it.
Much better than the movie that's for sure.

Ichat on the old Joanna

I like this man.
He seems nice, funny, smart, not a douchebag, reasonably talented on keys and he probably spends too much time on the internet.
All qualities I admire in a human.

Oh my

Dream child. If I ever have a lady-baby it will be in for a treat when it comes to hair, make-up and wardrobe.

Curtains closed

So Red Bull Academy has shut its doors on London after a pretty phenomenal success in the big smoke.
On top of the massive London lineup, they did some regional workshops, parties and other fun bits in Glasgow, Manchester and Bristol.
I worked with a selection of very talented artists, designers and producers to create promotional material such as posters, booklets and flyers as well as limited edition display pieces to go into party venues and the Red Bull studio.
I'll post up some more pictures soon but here's one of the flyers we did for Manchester - designed by the totally radical Phillip Lackmaker.

Fancy a dip?

Lord only knows how they shot this but high fives to the models for their painted smiles and the lion for being king of the pool party.

It's really hard to get a bargain on Ebay these days...

I've always had a slightly irrational obsession with Ebay and this Weird Al song is scarily true for me.
Anyway, last night on my hunt for another Wings/McCartney tshirt circa 1975 I stumbled upon this gem.
Pretty cool t-shirt you're thinking? Looks fairly vintage, fairly rare thus likely to impress all those snobbish friends. Nice.
But hang on a minute. They want how much? Yep, this t-shirt goes for the bargain price of £10,000.
It's from the banned album Butcher from 1966 and is ummmm... really pretty rare and of course worth every penny.
I shall not be bidding on this as it's not in my size but if you are feeling like adding this essential to your wardrobe you can do so here.

Goodnight sweetheart

INQ Night by OhJuliette

And finally, some evening music to make you bop your head and help you get into the mood for parties, party ring biscuits, fizzy pop and other fun things that you get when night falls...

Hope you like them.

All these mixes were produced by Matt Waites who can you find out more about here.

Afternoon delight

INQ Afternoon by OhJuliette

Some nice afternoony music to help you get through your hard working (or otherwise) day.

Morning: The Musical

INQ Morning by OhJuliette

During the megafun parade that is the Mobile World Conference in Barcelona amongst other things (I shall post some pics very soon) we created some mood music to play in the bar and stand areas for INQ Mobile.
Here for your listening pleasure-orama is Part 1: morning music.
Part 2 and 3 will be up imminently.

Lovely quality ear time.

Graffiti Grandmas

Knitting Grandmas are taking over London. Like the Triffids but more dangerous.
Beware!
No stone will be left unknitted. Scary.

Looking back

I was looking back at my work from many moons ago and came across these pretty impressive photographs.
Those were the days when two sweaty runners were the nation's sweetheart.
Now they've been replaced by a nodding dog that sounds kind of like Vic Reeves.
Still 118 118 = career highlights and I'll no doubt post more of these grainy pictures soon.

Rosy glow

I picked up this print from my friend and immense talent Rosy Nicholas today.
I hadn't seen it in real life until today and I have to say I think it may be my favourite picture in my somewhat eclectic family of art and random pictures.
It's currently propped up next to my bathroom so apologies for the crappy photo.
It still looks amazing though.
Oh and amongst other things Rosy also made lots of hand printed Christmas crackers and massive pants for a Christmas project I was running so I must post up some pics of that at some point soon too.

Fashion people care too

I did my bit (ish) for charity last week and helped my wonderful, dear (they sound like my grandparents) old pals at Odd with a very last minute project they were creating for Fashion Relief.
It was a pop-up shop at Westfield - the haven of shops, shops, food, more shops, then some more shops - to raise money for the Haiti Relief.
The shop was selling exclusive Haiti relief t-shirts designed by Vivienne Westwood which were modeled on the catwalk at Fashion Week by none other than Naomi Campbell.
I think you can still buy the t-shirts online but I'm not quite sure where so I'll have to get back to you on that.
Odd managed to design, produce, install, staff and provide entertainment with less than a week which I think is rather marvelous. Oh and with literally no money.
So really, a bit like Challenge Anneka without the annoying blonde in a jumpsuit.

Some kind of wonderful

Beach time

If my house wasn't entirely covered in those tiny, overly-modern, ugly spotlights I would definitely have these on display.
I'm not sure if anyone I live with would be into them so much which means they may be relegated to the boudoir. Which is fine by me.

They're made by this very talented man by the way.

Splish splash splosh

Woops

Cheryl probably had something to do with this.

It's a beatiful day

Oh God. I think those are the words of Bono. Sorry.
Still it's very sunny through my window and it's making my right ear hot.

Muzak

Unless you are devoid of eyes and ears you probably know all about the Red Bull Music Academy that's happening in London and around the UK until mid March.
It's music, education and fun all rolled into one. Nice.
I've been working with them on the creative side of things - helping to find artists, writers and suchlike for the endless projects they have going on for the Academy.
One of the stupendous talents I shared with them is this person.
He's been reviewing pirate radio stations, slagging crap stuff off (probably) and sharing his truly essential grime glossary.
He is also responsible for this magnificent doggy doodle you say before you.

For more info on Music Academy go to the website of hunt down one of the daily newspapers.

Your name's not down you're not comin' in

Harsh. No fun for him :-(

It's Fashion Week again. How exciting.

This is something I worked with the totally awesome Chrissie Abbott on to create for Red Bull during Fashion Week.
We worked on the design identity for their foray into fashion as well as making some really amazing moving image work, apparel and other nice little bits and pieces.
If you're interested in the details about Fashion Factory you can find out more
here

Ring ring

I've been doing a lot of work with a company called INQ Mobile alongside fandabidozee Charly of Charly Inc fame
They're a fun young mobile phone company that make phones for the socially obsessed generation so you have Facebook, Twitter and whatnot all setup as soon as you buy it. Phewee.
I will post up lots of the other stuff we've been doing with INQ later but here are some prototypes of limited edition handsets we're making in collaboration with the lovely and very tall Danny Sangra
The plan is for these only to be available online but plans have been to known to change so that could be a white lie.
Apologies for the rather shoddy photography but that's the best I could get I'm afraid.

A few days too late...

...but here is the ultimate Valentine's gift for any wise and romantic person living in this country.
Could possibly lead to a few arguments though I suspect.

Pugsly

I agree with the sentiment but not so much about the breed of dog.
But still. If pugs get people off drugs then I'm all for them.

True Romance ...

...is sending a Skype message to the special person in your life via a slightly mental little man in Tokyo. Or via one of the other Skype artists in other countries around the world.
I helped the very very lovely people at Poke for a couple of days on this project and three (or maybe four or five) months later it's gone live.
Pretty cute I think. And better than lame old Moonpig.
The campaign's called Skype outside and you can investigate further here

Words of wisdoom

A slightly melancholy message here from my friend James Pearson Howes for you.
He did a few limited prints on a great selection of coloured papers that I think are still available to buy.
You should take a nosey at his website to see these and all his other very special photography.
P.s. I think James is one of the nicest and happiest people I may ever have met.
Oh and p.p.s. This is a photo of his print on my slightly Granny-chic-esque bedroom wall hence the top quality photography of the top quality photography.

Deer watch #1

I have a very girly obsession that comes in the form of lovely little deers.
Bambi is obviously the ultimate megacuteadorable deer but I'm not fussy really - I love all deers big or small.
In this case small ... teeny weeny tiny in fact.
Cute rating 9

Is that really you?

I need to get a new passport this year which means the trauma of that horrendous photo that will haunt and follow me around for the next decade. God.
I wonder if I'd be allowed a passport pic like these hipsters. I could live with this I think.